Throughout our evolution as human beings, we are often brought before our own “shadows,” those facets of our psyche that we reject, loathe, and don’t want to deal with. As a rule, these are the “hottest spots”, attitudes, behaviors or reactions that we most vehemently condemn when we notice them in our fellow human beings.
In reality, each such “shadow” hides a great gift for us, a life lesson that, if we understand and integrate harmoniously, will allow us to make a truly remarkable leap on the road to the perfection of our being.
In correlation with the obscure, quasi-unconscious parts of psychism, there are various emotional wounds that can leave a persistent mark on our affective life. They can arise in the period of intrauterine life or in early childhood, crystallizing then as deformed emotional structures, strengthened by repeated experiences, and which keep away from the perception of what we really are: pure beings, divine creations, with a spiritual purpose and an uplifting destiny!
In her book, The Five Wounds That Prevent Us from Being Ourselves, author Lise Bourbeau describes these emotional strengths, while also offering some solutions for overcoming them and converting emotional energies into their most harmonious, positive form.
We may constantly feel rejected by others, abandoned, betrayed, wronged, or overly controlled. All these ways of perceiving the relational environment in which we live are also found in our attitude towards food, and in the way we approach the act of feeding. Here are the deep correlations between “soul wounds” and the way we eat:
Rejection wound and nutrition
(“ The fugitive “)
When the rejection wound is activated and it influences you to control yourself, you may have no appetite, chewing food empty. You don’t feel anything anymore, you don’t even feel that your body needs food. And when you eat, you’re tempted to eat small portions without being very aware of what’s on your plate or really tasting the food. And because this wound is associated with the mask of the fugitive, to flee means to no longer be truly present in what is happening in the physical world.
Thus, being more interested in what’s going on in the mental world than things related to the physical world, you can’t really enjoy what you’re eating. The food most often used to escape the physical world is sugar in all its forms, sometimes even alcohol or drugs. In fact, I noticed that in such “runaway” people, sugar often has an alcohol-like effect. Eating a lot of sugar causes a vicious circle in your body and can become very harmful.
Your body, especially your adrenal glands, will have a lot of work to do to assimilate and eliminate sugar, and thus your body becomes weak and tired. And when you feel that you have no energy, you will eat something sweet again, hoping that this will regain your lost energy. Which doesn’t work, being just a short-term effect that makes you always start over. This type of person will also prefer highly spicy foods.
It is another way to taste something and find certain sensations. Because, in fact, he cannot really taste the flavor of food, the “fugitive” thinks that, at least, he savors the spices and flavors. This is the explanation for why some people manage to eat very spicy without any reaction.
Abandonment wound and nutrition
(” the addict “)
When the abandonment wound is activated and you control yourself, the effect produced is exactly the opposite. Because you seek love from others in the form of attention, affection, and support – not knowing how to get it, you compensate for it through food. Because you don’t get what you want from the outside, you fill your need with food. You may end up eating all the time, believing that this will fill the void in you. You eat a lot, not because it’s good or because your body needs food, but to give the impression that you’re getting what you’re missing. And despite the fact that you’re stuffing yourself all the time, you still feel a hole in your stomach. Like being a bottomless sack. But you don’t realize that this emptiness is rather at the level of the heart. And because food can’t fill this emotional lack, it’s never enough and you don’t know when to stop eating.
It is the heart that needs to be filled, with a lot of love by rails. I have also noticed that when someone wears this mask of the addict and dines in pleasant company, they eat very slowly to savor the pleasure as much as possible. It’s his way of controlling the amount of attention he needs. Such a person is especially attracted to soft food, which does not need to be chewed too much.
Humiliation wound and nutrition
(” The Masochist “)
When you suffer from a wound of humiliation, believing that it is not worthy to be a sensual person, you control yourself so as not to grant yourself the right to enjoy your senses. In front of others, you will often refrain from eating what you like most, you will force yourself to choose what you think is right for a worthy person. However, at some point such a person no longer manages to restrain himself, to shackle his senses. That’s when he loses control of his diet and overeats because he’s “so good.” Incidentally, the pleasure of eating is the most important thing for this person. If you consider yourself so, then it will certainly be very difficult for you to deprive yourself of a savory food. It’s very hard for you to resist, knowing that you have some goodies in the kitchen. You know you’re not hungry, but there’s something much stronger than you.
A “masochistic” person enjoys food physically, but very rarely on a psychological level. Her greatest joy is physical. The greater her physical pleasure, the greater her guilt of not being able to help herself in any aspect of her life. They often eat to fill up, to stop feeling their body.
He thinks that if he is hungry, he will feel his body, which he does not consider spiritual at all. Having started eating, he finds plenty of reasons to keep going. Anyway, I’ve already taken a pound or two, she tells herself, continuing to eat.
He does all this to justify himself as an undignified, shameful, lustful and gourmet person. Being a masochist, she seeks to punish herself, to suffer. He suffers when he is hungry, and he suffers the same after eating too much. He is the kind of person especially attracted to fatty foods such as butter, cream, heavy sauces, etc. She can eat like this until what she eats disgusts her, just as she is disgusted with herself.
The wound of betrayal and nutrition
(“ control/dominate“)
If there is a wound of betrayal, because you want to control what happens externally and do not trust others, you reproduce the same pattern of behavior in terms of food. You are the kind of person who always wants to add something to the food prepared by others – salt, pepper, spices, sugar, etc. I have seen countless times people who rush to add salt or pepper to food without even tasting it before! The wound of betrayal is activated when you do other things while eating, for example: reading, discussing business, moralizing your children or partner during meals, watching TV, etc. That’s why you stop paying attention to what you swallow, and chances are you’ll eat more than you need, especially because of the speed at which you swallow everything.
There are even people who swallow large pieces of food all at once. In this case, the stomach does not have time to receive the brain’s message that it is already full. The one who controls is also a person who bites into food. He wants so much to control others that when he is angry about unmet expectations, he tries to satisfy his hunger by biting. This is often a reason to eat meat, not because they need to, but because they need to bite. It may seem that he is a foodie, because he eats with appetite and likes to taste everything. However, in reality it is his wound that reacts. Convinced of so-called comfort, he often says How good it is! But by eating very fast, they don’t actually savor food.
The wound of injustice and nutrition
(” the rigid“)
If the wound of injustice is activated, you will have the same behavior you usually have when it comes to eating. You will try to control yourself as much as possible. Only a person suffering from injustice manages to keep a draconian diet and control himself to have the ideal weight, the desired figure. When the stiff mask coordinates your behaviors, you get to control the quantity and quality of the food you eat. You’re likely to judge “let things go by themselves” behavior so unacceptable that you often end up saying things like, “I NEVER eat sweets or dessert. I don’t drink anymore. I only eat healthy foods anymore. NEVER chew anything between meals “. You make a title of glory from being able to control yourself so that you don’t realize when you’re saying things that don’t correspond to reality. The “rigid” is the one who most often uses superlatives like never, always, extraordinary, great, etc.
In the case of a rigid person, however, he feels guilty, but because he excels in self-control, he manages quite easily to convince himself that it is not something serious, given that it is an exception what he did, in order to deny his guilt. That is why such a person attracts unexpected and very acute, very painful physical problems to draw his attention to this culpability that he hides. In addition, she has difficulty finding the cause of problems because she is not aware of what she feels guilty about. The pains he has are actually his unconscious way of punishing himself.
If such a rigid person ends up losing control over food or drink, being already at the limit in other aspects of life, he will try as much as possible to live this situation alone, and will not dare to talk about it. When he loses control in front of other people, his guilt skyrockets and he vows never to do it again. The more rigid a person is towards himself and does not allow himself to feel, the more tempted he will be to add more spices to food. But, unlike the dominator gender, the rigid first tastes food, because, to his taste, everything must be perfect. Then add the spices he thinks he needs at that moment. The stiff also likes very crunchy foods and will prefer raw and tougher fruits and vegetables.
If you have this wound, it is quite possible that you are a person who carefully checks the food, quantities and labels of all products. But are you really doing this because you take care of yourself, because you refuse to eat products with many chemicals, for example? Or are you afraid that food may contain fattening ingredients? I have often seen stiff people who, when they lose control, eat a large amount of “non-fattening” foods, thus convincing themselves that what they are doing is not very serious. However, the body is not happier because it will have to digest, assimilate and store that surplus somewhere in the body. The same happens with sugar that, despite being natural, absorbing too much will certainly be harmful to the body.
It is possible that at the same time it bothers you if your close ones eat in too large quantities. Because you rarely afford it, it will be hard to accept that someone else can afford it. In order to give yourself the right to eat when you’re hungry and especially everything you like, you think you have to deserve it. Otherwise, you impose restrictions on yourself. Many times I have seen people who start eating with appetite, with pleasure and suddenly, for no apparent reason, push their plate, saying: That’s it, enough is enough. I have to stop now. One can even notice a certain hardness in their tone. They put on the mask of the stiff and decide it’s time to control themselves.
I remind you that all these forms of control and its loss, corresponding to the five wounds, are a reflection of the type of control that manifests itself in your psychological life. The physique is always a reflection of what happens beyond the body shell. This is why it is useless to control yourself on the physical level, because the cause of control turns out to be beyond the physical level, and will continue to persist. It is like trying to hide a wound with a dressing, without caring for it, hoping that this way you will not see it again. The effect achieved will be exactly the opposite, the wound risks getting worse.
This applies to all physical ailments that, according to medicine, are caused by poor food management, which does not respect the needs of the body. For example, liver attacks, indigestion, heartburn, hypoglycemia, diabetes, intestinal problems, etc. are conditions that require changing the diet. These physical problems are just the expression of your being, which wants to draw your attention to inner attitudes that are no longer beneficial to you.
Your inner God is trying to tell you, through these affections, that it’s time to learn to love yourself more.
The influence of the rejection wound on weight
The inner attitude of a person who has this wound is: “I am a nothing… I need to take up as little space as possible… No one would realize if I disappeared… I’m not interested in physical pleasures…, I prefer to feed my mindl”… Having such an inner attitude, such a person cannot gain weight, since he wants to disappear, occupy as little space as possible, be “invisible”.
It is a person who eats very little, although several times a day, and even if he chooses foods that can fatten, he does not change his weight. In addition to this, such people, being the nervous type, generally have a fast metabolism, which is another reason why they do not gain weight. Instead, they wear out their digestive system more.
This category includes those people who rejected the way they were fed by their mother, physically or emotionally. They didn’t feel loved and accepted as they were, probably from the moment they were born. These people are specialists in denial. For example, they may even swear they never eat sweet, although it is false. They can say they don’t like something, without realizing that this “food denial” comes from not really enjoying food. In fact, the rejection wound is often the cause of alcohol and drug problems, but these people refuse to admit that they may have such a problem because of their ease of denying reality.
The influence of abandonment wound on weight
The inner attitude of a person suffering from abandonment can be seen, among others, in the following statements: “I need more attention, support, support, I never have enough”. Those who maintain this attitude – “never enough” – can consume a large amount of food to fill up, but without gaining weight. These people have usually received a lot of attention from their mother, or the one who has performed the role of mother, but because they think they have never received enough, I cannot admit it. Thus, they always try to fill this void in the relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, convinced that if that parent shows them love, paying attention to them, this shows that they are worthy of receiving this affection.
They also believe that receiving attention is the only way to feel the love of others. When they don’t get the attention or support they want, they feel abandoned. They manifest their deception through food, but without gaining a single kilogram, because they believe that “they do not have enough“. These abuses affect their digestive system, just like in the case of the rejection wound.
The influence of the humiliation wound on weight
The inner attitude of those who suffer from this wound is different from that of people who suffer from other wounds. Why is that? Because everything related to satisfying the senses gives these people a strong sense of importance and pleasure. In fact, those who are born with this wound need to learn to fully enjoy the pleasures brought by their five senses, without feeling guilty and, above all, without believing that they are unworthy of divine love. Such a person attracts situations from childhood in which he is humiliated, when he tries to enjoy the pleasures of the senses.
At the same time, she learns very early on that it is not good to be sensual. She attracts this negative behavior from others, to realize that she, too, believes the same thing, although it is a false belief.
If you are one of the people who suffer from the humiliation wound, surely you remember several incidents in which parents or teachers put you in a humiliating situation, especially on a physical level. For example, when you soiled your clothes or ate much more than others or caught the eyes of others with sensual movements. In addition, you are probably a very spiritual person, intending to please God by any means possible. People who suffer from this wound fear most that they are unworthy before God.
What most of these people do not realize is that, due to their culpability and denigrating thoughts towards themselves, they are unable to feel true pleasure. These people have learned since childhood that it is not good to enjoy food, that it is selfish to think about their own pleasures first. They have been taught that they must deal with the happiness and pleasure of others before their own. And because they keep doing this and get nothing in return, they console themselves with food. That is why people who suffer from the humiliation wound are those who gain weight the fastest and easiest. It is not so much food that makes them fat, but their inner attitude.
Unlike the wound of rejection and abandonment, people who have the wound of humiliation have an inner attitude that everything is “too much.”
They say or think, “I’m eating too much again, I need to stop.” This also explains the fact that they often think they do not eat more than others, being surprised that they have an excess weight. However, being very attracted to the pleasures of the senses, these people lose control of their food, and hide when they do so, being seized with shame. Add to this the fact that the more they try to convince themselves to stop eating, the more they will eat.
The influence of the betrayal wound on weight
The inner attitude of those who suffer from betrayal is: “I don’t want to miss anything… I want to taste everything … I can do what I want… I don’t have to follow other people’s rules, nor those of my body… I am the one who controls myself, and not the others.”
As children, these people felt controlled in their diet. It was the parents who chose for them. And now they’re trying to make up for what they’ve lost, as soon as they get the chance. They are the kind of children who, when their parents are not present, eat the foods forbidden by them. The children controlled in this way did not receive the emotional nourishment that should normally meet their needs. The love they received from their parents was too possessive and controlling.
They were educated by parents who loved them according to their beliefs, based on what they learned from their own parents, and not according to the needs of the child. Such people do not really taste food, as they immediately add salt or spices to it. They try to add as much spice as possible, their taste buds are not satisfied, and they aim to change the taste of each food.
In addition, because there are people who eat very quickly, this prevents the brain from receiving the timely message that the body is no longer hungry. Such a person refuses, most of the time, to be controlled by someone else, much less by his own body. Those who suffer from betrayal do not listen to their bodies, so they often eat more than necessary. They then feel guilty, know and feel that they have eaten too much. And it’s guilt that makes them gain weight. In the case of women, they gain weight in the hips and belly area, while men gain more weight in the shoulders and belly. Due to this more robust appearance of the upper body, the latter unconsciously try to show how strong and capable they are. That’s why they’re considered strong people, rather than fat or obese.
The influence of the wound of injustice on weight
The person suffering from injustice has the following inner attitude: “I must be perfect in everything, especially in my actions and appearance… I’m not allowed to cheat… I have to be careful about what I eat to have a perfect body.”
He is the person who controls himself the most. Being very demanding of herself, she cannot bear to gain even a few kilograms. He checks his weight all the time and diets as soon as there is some fluctuation. Many such people diet all their lives, for fear that they will gain weight. Every time they deviate from the “imposed” regime, they feel very guilty, and promise themselves not to do such a thing again. They succeed for a while, but because they have limits, like everyone else, at some point it will be almost impossible for them to control themselves. They will try to hide their food weaknesses, and refuse to admit that they lose control at regular intervals. In addition, these people do not realize that the loss of control is actually due to the control they exercise in other areas, always seeking perfection in everything they do.
Let’s take the example of a random day, when a person imposed a lot of tasks on himself, far beyond his limits. Very likely, at the end of the day he will want to “reward” himself, and he will lose control over his diet. “I really deserve this,” she will tell herself. In fact, merit is a very important notion for those who suffer from injustice. Therefore, after controlling his inner voice all day, which told him that he had reached the limit, such a person loses control.
Food being a reflection of what’s going on inside, it turns out to be an excellent means of telling when someone has been too demanding of themselves. These people gain weight over time, but in general, the extra pounds will be evenly distributed throughout the body. It’s guilt that makes them gain weight. They end up dieting again, and the vicious circle begins again. Such a person is just as intolerant of other people who gain weight as he is of himself.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we can say that when rejection and abandonment wounds are activated, the people concerned cannot gain weight, no matter how much they eat. Why is that? Because of the motivation for eating. People who gain weight are influenced by the other three wounds, humiliation, betrayal or rejection.
The excess weight is distributed differently in the body, depending on the activated wound. As a result of the influence of these wounds, when you recognize yourself in one of the descriptions above, you may discover which wound is more active and less accepted in your current life. It is quite possible to be influenced by more than one wound at the same time. For example, we can consider the case of a masochistic person in whom the humiliation wound is activated, who for a week can not curb his appetite to eat many cakes, and who then keeps a diet. I remind you that the main reason why a person gains weight is guilt, followed by non-acceptance of one’s own person, which manifests itself both at the level of nutrition and at the level of other aspects. The less you listen to your food needs, the less you listen to your needs in general. This is why you feel guilty. This doesn’t mean that those who don’t gain weight don’t feel guilty. But guilt in their case will affect their bodies differently. Instead of gaining weight, they may have health problems or accidents. When culpability affects their weight, it is the rigid, controlling or masochistic side that leads.
Sources:
http://drumuricatre you.wordpress. com/2010/ 03/17/masks- and-wounds- of our- soul/
Lise Bourbeau, The five wounds that prevent us from being ourselves.