The Woman's Letter to the Man She Didn't Know How to Love

Scris de 
Leo Radutz
 in data de 
text de 
4 minute
Scris de 
Leo Radutz
 in data de 
 - text de 
4 minute

WomanMy dear Man,

And now you are present in me, the woman from your past, in the form of memories, lessons and transformations that I have undergone!

Forgive my tantrums when you chose to get out of my existence, that I was angry with you, that I threatened you, that I emotionally blackmailed you, and that I tried to speculate on your weaknesses!

Forgive me for interpreting your sensitivity as a form of cowardice! I have evaluated separations as a step backwards in my personal development, and the relationship with you as a waste of time, but now I am grateful for how you managed the end of our bond! You represent a step climbed by me to the inside of me crushed by fears, helplessness and frustrations...

Thank you for every conflict in which I was not right and you showed me that! That's how you sat me in front of myself to see how I really am and to face the emotional shortcomings I was throwing into your arms!

I apologize for the multitude of "It's over!", a statement with which I hoped to awaken in you my own control waiting for your validation! I'm sorry for the moments I've created to be opportune to you in the fight for my heart! Now I know that this is not how love happens, this is not how feelings are expressed, this is not how it resists and love is demonstrated!

Thank you for the wonderful moments You have given me! I know you loved me! I felt that! I didn't know I deserved your love though....

I annoyed you, blackmailed, castrated, dominated, falsely accused, suspected of infidelity... and that's because I was a scared little girl who had mixed up the kinds of love!

I have empowered you as a lover, father, brother, friend, and I realize how hard it was for you to fulfill all these roles simultaneously! I forced you to love me in many ways to make up for my unloving!

I wept with strangeness, nerves and helplessness when I did not receive love from you as I wanted it and as I had seen it in the movies, hoping that crying would bring me your affection and appreciation. in fact, crying initially awakened in you mercy, compassion, and then fear! I understand why you left! And I also gave you the suitcase of my pains when I left, waiting for you to return serenely in your relationship with me and without returning the baggage of my own grievances... I had hoped that you would throw it in the trash, that you would do all this "dirty" job for me... But each time I woke up with a bigger bag, much more full of fears and upsets. .. and I got even more angry with you! I apologize...

When you gave me the "earth" I understood from this gesture only abandonment, non-assumption and cowardice! But I was the one who abandoned the suffering by confirming my pattern of trauma that I didn't deserve to be loved. I was desperately clinging to your determined words that "It's over!" as my indecisive and blackmailing game of "I love you/ I don't love you."

You wanted my good and you wanted me with you to make a team... it's just that I didn't know how to accompany you without suffering because I didn't know how to love! I was not able to manage sensitivities, fears, vulnerabilities, to stay with you in the beautiful journey of love.

Forgive me for the toxic relationship offered, full of addictions and hiding places...

Forgive me, for I did not love you, but I learned to become a woman! I apologize for the false "I love you" declared by virtue of the relationship.

I'm sorry I didn't hug you, but I asked you for many hugs...

Forgive me for asking you for the sun and the moon in the sky and for questioning your manhood when you could not offer me the impossible, although I did not even bring it to you in your life...

Forgive me for my evidence of strength in front of you! I competed with you thinking that you don't like the tender, frail woman who needs support!

Forgive my accusations about the search for physical love! I was the male woman who always defended herself from you by displaying toughness, selfishness, self-centeredness, irresponsibility, who in turn loved only bodily...

Thank you for bearing my voices as a crazy, too talkative, too strong or too weak angel "woman"!

Thank you for believing in me when I was totally confused! You have taught me that petty deeds and insignificant needs are much more important in the bond of love than the greatness of impossible acts.

I traumatized you by hoping that this is how I would get rid of my own traumas...

I was wrong about you, but first of all towards me!

But without these mistakes I would not have become the woman of now... just as sensitive, but courageous in displaying my vulnerabilities...

You have contributed to my courage, and now I am ready to love, in fact to love myself! Now I no longer despair, now I understand my role in your life and yours in mine! But, above all, I understand what role I have had and I have in my life, namely to accept love!

With gratitude and affection,


Source: finally we also have the Source who gladly approves the publication:
Oana Cristina BUCUR - "The Psychology of Choice... Choose to Choose!""


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