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atunci 💠 hai în comunitatea Abheda! 💠
<>My dear Man,
And now you are present in me, the woman of your past, in the form of the memories, lessons and transformations I have undergone!
Forgive my hysterics when you chose to get out of my existence, that I got angry with you, that I threatened you, that I blackmailed you emotionally and that I tried to speculate on your weaknesses!
Forgive me for interpreting your sensitivity as a form of cowardice! I evaluated the breakups as a step backwards in my personal development, and the relationship with you as a waste of time, but now I am grateful for how you handled the end of our bond! You represent a step climbed by me to my interior crushed by fears, helplessness and frustrations…
Thank you for every conflict in which I was not right and you showed me that! This is how you placed me in front of myself to see myself as I really am and to face the emotional shortcomings that I was throwing into your arms!
I apologize for the multitude of “It’s over!”, a statement with which I hoped to awaken in you my own control waiting for your validation! I’m sorry for the moments I’ve created to be opportune to you in the fight for my heart! Now I know that this is not how love happens, this is not how feelings are expressed, this is not how love resists and is demonstrated!
Thank you for the wonderful moments you gave me! I know you loved me! I felt that! I didn’t know I deserved your love though….
I annoyed you, blackmailed, castrated, dominated, unjustly accused, suspected of infidelity… And that’s because I was a scared little girl who had mixed up the kinds of love!
I made you responsible as a boyfriend, father, brother, friend, and I realize how difficult it was for you to fulfill all these roles at once! I forced you to love me in many ways to make up for my unloving!
I cried out of spite, nerves and helplessness when I didn’t receive from you the love I wanted and as I had seen in the movies, hoping that crying would bring me your affection and appreciation. In fact, crying initially awakened in you pity, compassion and then fear! I understand why you left! And I also gave you the suitcase of my sorrows when I left, waiting for you to return serenely to my relationship with me and without returning the luggage of my own grievances… I had hoped that you would throw it in the trash, that you would do all this “dirty” work for me… But each time I woke up with a bigger bag, much more full of fears and annoyances. .. and I got even angrier with you! I apologize…
When you hit the “ground” with me, I understood from this gesture only abandonment, non-assumption and cowardice! But I was the one who surrendered to suffering, confirming the pattern of trauma that I didn’t deserve to be loved. I clung desperately to your resolute words that “It’s over!” as my indecisive and blackmailing game of “I love you/I don’t love you.”
You wished me well and you wanted me to be with you to make a team… I just didn’t know how to accompany you without suffering because I didn’t know how to love! I was not able to manage the sensitivities, the fears, the vulnerabilities, to stay by your side on the beautiful journey of love.
Forgive me for the toxic relationship offered, full of addictions and hiding places…
Forgive me, for I did not love you, but I learned to become a woman! I apologize for the untrue “I love you” declared by virtue of the relationship…
I’m sorry I didn’t hug you, but I asked you for a lot of hugs…
Forgive me for asking you for the sun and the moon in the sky and for questioning your manhood when you could not offer me the impossible, although I did not even bring the possible into your life…
Forgive me for my evidence of strength in front of you! I competed with you thinking that you don’t like the tender, frail woman who needs support!
Forgive my accusations about the search for physical love! I was the male woman who always defended herself from you by displaying toughness, selfishness, self-centeredness, irresponsibility, who in turn loved only bodily…
Thank you for putting up with my moods as a crazy “woman”, too talkative, too strong or too weak as an angel!
Thank you for believing in me when I was totally confused! You taught me that small deeds and insignificant needs are much more important in the bond of love than the greatness of impossible acts.
I traumatized you hoping that this way I would get rid of my own traumas…
I was wrong about you, but first of all towards me!
But without these mistakes I would not have become the woman of now… just as sensitive, but courageous in displaying my vulnerabilities…
You have contributed to my courage, and now I am ready to love, in fact to love myself! Now I no longer despair, now I understand my role in your life and yours in mine! But, above all, I understand what role I have had and I have in my life, namely to accept love!
With gratitude and affection,
Woman!
Source: finally we also have the Source who gladly approves the publication:
Oana Cristina BUCUR – “The Psychology of Choice… Choose to Choose!””
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