Criticism from the Master – Testimony
Dear colleagues, I want to share with you a special dream that I had recently, a conscious dream, I think.
Ψ A SPECIAL, SPECIAL DREAM –
I was attending an Abheda course, a seminar as I usually attended. In a large room there were several colleagues. The Master appears, sits at the table angry with me as I have not known him in real life.
He reproached me for things and deeds that I had not done, in a rather harsh, humiliating, embarrassing way for me, in front of my colleagues.
I tried to talk, to explain to him that things are not as he presented them, that I am not guilty, even to apologize.
But he didn’t allow me to speak and tell my point of view about that annoyance, that misunderstanding.
I felt that he was lacking in love,
as he does not behave in real life and does not criticize or scold someone in public, in front of others.
Moreover, he expressed his desire not to see me again and not to appear before his eyes. I was very upset, sad, frustrated by what was happening and that it didn’t allow me to speak, to explain. I felt wronged, accused of something I hadn’t done and especially publicly. Moreover, I did not recognize his way of manifesting himself, it was not specific to him, it was contrary to how I knew him to act, with love, with warmth, with the willingness to listen to the other. I didn’t understand what was happening and why to me. All I had to do was retire. I got up from where I was, somewhere in front and close to him, and headed for the exit. It’s just that in my mind it sounded very clear that I didn’t want to leave, no matter how I felt. I wanted to participate in the course, to receive the learning further. I didn’t want to leave the hall, nor did I want to leave the spiritual path.
I felt very clearly that I was not leaving there.
I thought that I would stay and somehow things would be clarified or, even if not, I would have accepted whatever it was, just to stay. I sat at the other end of the room (it was quite large), in a corner, so that I would not be in the direction of the master’s gaze, and I continued to stay and participate in the class. I felt like a child punished and cornered, banished, but in this case unfairly. I was sitting, trying to understand what happened, when the message clearly appears in my mind that it is just a test that I have to pass,
that I have nothing to be angry with, to suffer, that I am the Self and that nothing that happened has anything to do with me, but only the Ego is affected, He is outraged and feels wronged. At that moment I felt how I was instantly freed, how all the pressure disappeared from my shoulders and from my soul.
Everything was illuminated – I had penetrated the mystery. I was the Self .
Everything had been a test to pass, to understand that my frustration, anger, humiliation belonged to the Ego.
It does not affect the true I-Self in any way. And so I rediscovered myself free, penetrating the meaning, the Truth, relieved and happy. I breathed freely and relieved. It was as if the sky had lit up. At that moment another thought appeared to me: the exact memory of the lesson, of the teaching from the Master when he spoke to us about Gurdjieff. Namely, how he, among his techniques, put the ladies of high society in positions that were embarrassing and humiliating enough for them to transcend their Ego.
That’s it! – I said to myself.
Yes!! It’s just a test.
Only the Ego suffers!
We are the Self!
That’s when I woke up. I was very aware of the dream, of the messages, of the feelings.
I could feel them very clearly, as if they were still there.
I was still amazed, penetrated and ecstatic at the same time. I felt that it was a special dream, with a special message and feeling, full of meaning.
I share it with you.
I thought then: if the lessons received from the Master appear to me in my dream, there are chances to transcend them, to grow, to apply the teaching.